Don’t Play Dead
Unless you want to give your mother or the insanely attractive lifeguard on duty a heart attack, floating on your back and lifelessly drifting with the waves is a no-no. That is, unless you want to be pulled from the water in a blubbering mess and look like an idiot in front of said lifeguard.
Don’t Jump in the Shallow End
Ever broken an ankle? You probably will if you jump in the shallow end of the pool, and trust us when we say it hurts more than you could ever imagine. That was one summer we’ll never get back.
Never Dive in with Your Phone
Sometimes the temptation to take an underwater selfie is too great, or perhaps you’ve got nowhere to stash your phone besides your budgie smugglers. But after a good soak, how will you call for help in case of an emergency (see point, above)? Stick to the poolside selfies for your Insta account.
Don’t Stand on a Kickboard under Water
We’ve all pretended to surf on one at some point in our lives, but in the end, the only person who enjoys your fantasy of being Kelly Slater or Layne Beachley is your dentist who’ll be fixing your cracked tooth.
And Please, Throw out That Stupid Flamingo Floaty
Look, we’re going to be the ones to say it: there is no place for an oversized flamingo in a swimming pool or at the beach. We get that it’s fun to pretend you’re in a Taylor Swift/Rihanna Instagram mashup, but that was a swan anyway. Please do yourself and those in your company a favour by ditching it. (Unicorns are totally okay, though.)
Looking for some actual useful water safety tips? Sorry, you’re in the wrong place for that – head over to SA Water VACSWIM, they have an actual water education program to ensure kids are safe, smart, skilled and confident when it comes to making a splash. The government-funded initiative provides South Aussie kids of primary school age with water knowledge, including recognising aquatic dangers, and first aid, at more than 130 locations. Check out your regular holiday destination for spaces, too.
VACSWIM SA runs through January 2017. Online enrolments close 19 December. Book online here.
Had an embarrassing moment at the pool or beachside? Share it with us in the comments, below.