What have the stars got in store for you this summer? Our resident astrologer has put together your Fritz summer horoscopes for adults and kids, too…
Aries (21 Mar to 20 Apr)
Worn out by the endless Christmas cheer, your attempts at hermit life are futile. Drop-ins, walk-ins, alien life form – your dynamic capacity to host swashbuckling parties is attracting folks from around the galaxy. But now you need it to stop long enough to wash the wine glasses and trim your toenails. A surly outburst and the purchase of a doomsday bunker clears the decks briefly, but by 10 February a short burst of charisma re-opens the social floodgates. By the time you’ve cleared the dips away, work replaces play as scheduled maintenance on the bunker begins.
Little Rammy will feel the pinch from burning the candle at both ends. You know they shouldn’t have matches, right? Their usual indefatigable capacity to keep up with the grown-ups may fade. Rest breaks required.
Taurus (21 Apr to 21 May)
While you’ve always considered yourself conservative in your views, political conservatives are giving conservativism a bad name. So, we’ll just have to call you a tree-hugger, which plants you in a whole other field. Regardless of who hijacked the English lexicon, you would seriously throw yourself in front of the bulldozer to save your precious patch of nature this summer. Idealism, fervour and action, combined with a good dose of flirty charm around 7 to 12 January will see you compose a winning argument. Oh, and you’ll overspend on Fringetix (but who doesn’t?).
Choosing their words very carefully this January, Little Bull orchestrates a family road trip that you never saw coming. Walley World anyone? Regardless of size (theirs and their plans), they’re going to talk you into something fun.
Gemini (22 May to 22 Jun)
You were ticking things off your list when Lord Business called to say you’re making him look lazy. You’re trying to squeeze 10 summers into one aren’t you Gemmy? With any luck by 1 February you will have figured out a way to escape the ridiculous plans you made in January. You realise in a flash that a couple of clicks and a secret savings account is all it takes. You can ponder the philosophical question of what you’re actually getting away from, later on the plane. Chances are it will come with
Little Gemmy’s social timetable will need a driverless car and two part-time jobs to sustain.
An enforced slowdown around mid-January will only intensify the social media plan-making. Hire a house elf to keep the home fires under control.
Cancer (23 Jun to 23 Jul)
There’s no doubt that you’re in the middle of some transformative relationship process, but that seems a little heavy for Fritz horoscopes. Just as well some breathing space arises for the start of Adelaide Fringe. Pop on your fluffy purple pants (inner or outer, we won’t judge) and wander freely through the parklands being strange and talking to strangers. It’s therapeutic. Just remember, you do have to step it up a notch to be considered strange during Fringe. By March you will have released your interpersonal demons into the madding crowd.
Little Cancer could spend some time reflecting in the principal’s office or receive the Mother Theresa Award for Strangely Mature Behaviour. Either way, other parents will be involved so be prepared to accept or deny your stewardship.
Leo (24 Jul to 23 Aug)
All work and no play makes you cranky like a cat with 10 untouchable biscuits left in your bowl. So, when you throw yourself into a home reno outdoor Jamie Durie garden room project, remember to smile. Y’know, nice and shiny the way Jamie does. You’ll feel good about this one when it’s done. You’ll feel even better when you get to languish under the Bali-style pagoda. You’ll almost forget your laptop and phone on the tropical resort-style coffee table. If the boss pings you after 19 February, throw your phone in the imaginary lagoon.
Exhibiting more industry than usual, Little Leo commences construction of a backyard water leisure precinct for the enjoyment of their siblings. Bury your doubt about their motivation deep down inside and reward them with loud hugs.
Virgo (24 Aug to 23 Sep)
You don’t remember asking to be put in charge of the crèche. In fact, your hard-fought position of chief financial officer would seem to make it untenable. But here you are, responsible for the daily machinations of the sandpit and all its inhabitants. Emotions are beating intellect this summertime Fight Club so you’re going to need a new arsenal. Subterfuge, spy-craft and sanctions will expand your might and afford you the upper hand. Oh, and maybe a rake for those sandpit surprises. Mercury goes retro on 23 March and
you lose your car keys.
Little Virgo’s inner child steps away from the books and into the sunshine. Mostly likely they will build a shady fort, lay in waiting and take you down with a barrage of nerf bullets as you put the rubbish out.
Libra (24 Sep to 23 Oct)
Scotty Cam called and your audition for The Block was successful. Only problem is that you’ll have to turn down offers from Neighbourhood House of Horrors and Flip the Bird and Move. You’re fairly focused on your home at the moment which is great news for your local Mitre 10. The trick will be managing the brutal opinions of significant and lower-ranked others. By 11 February, in a metaphysical dream-state you realise that the rules of Hamptons-style decorating can actually be broken without the sky falling and tearing the blue and white fabric of your being.
With an abundant supply of generosity and optimism Little Libra sets about creating their very own wellbeing space. Whether it’s in their bedroom or in their head, they’re looking for some emotional security. Book an appointment and head on in.
Scorpio (24 Oct to 22 Nov)
You’re no stranger to deep thinking, although maybe stranger because of it. And this summer you’re gonna get a bit shouty about it – whatever it is. A compulsion to share your topic of choice will see you reaching for the electronic soapbox and decanting your message into an array of sound bytes. Unless of course, your contempt for a Twitter character limit prompts a broadcasting rebellion and the largest ever game of Chinese Whispers. By 18 March your fire may be burning low but your word count will still be high.
With their heart on their sleeve and temper on their tongue Little Scorp will not be shushed. Unless they are plotting to exact revenge by shouting socially unacceptable fake news in a crowded supermarket. Btw, your RAN training won’t help you here.
Sagittarius (23 Nov to 21 Dec)
An obsession with rewarding yourself permeates your dreams. Complex dreams of conscience that make you sweaty. The leprechaun on your shoulder wants you to spend your savings on Festival, Fringe and WOMAD tickets. The Celtic Faerie of Rising Debt cautions against such folly (even though she’s appearing at the WOMAD Electrolounge) and you are left doubting your capacity to get a full night’s sleep. Your desire to hang with the beautiful people will be so strong from 2 to 6 Feb the leprechaun will win. Around 9 March the Faerie prompts some introspection and a second job to pay for it all.
Little Sag will go hard and fast at all potential social outings, festivals and family barbecues. Until 9 March, when some navel gazing and a probable lack of cash will enforce some uncharacteristically helpful household chores and dog walking.
Capricorn (22 Dec to 20 Jan)
After spending the first half of January raking the sand in your peace garden (and discouraging your cat from leaving their own messages of peace), around 21 January you decide to leave the tranquillity and search for love. An extensive exploration of the Parklands reveals lost phones and ice cream wrappers but nothing that fills your heart with joy. So you head back home to deploy your resources on a peace garden extension. Your phone will ping in the wee small hours with messages from boozy friends who don’t have peace gardens.
For each family social outing Little Cap will take five hours to get dressed and assemble two shoes. A brief spell towards the end of January will see them show enough social interest to speed this up, but the shoes won’t match.
Aquarius (21 Jan to 19 Feb)
Médecin Sans Frontières called, but you were out on the town. With friends. Of course. You’ve been filling your own bucket of love with candles burnt at both ends and now you’re not sure whether to help yourself or others. Panadol and sleep will probably help in the first instance, then the deployment of some metaphysical resources. Or you could just slow the truck down and breathe. And say no to the Udemy Defence Against the Dark Arts online course. Life will be back on track before you can say, “There’s a Fringe artist sleeping on my couch.”
Little Aquarius finally gets your attention when the juggling coach arrives on a unicycle and informs you that it was pre-paid on your credit card. It’s an exciting time of year for a weird little unit, stock up on gold coins for the buskers.
Pisces (20 Feb to 20 Mar)
Transformation through friendships can be rewarding or painful, or a little of both. Either way there’s always something to learn. The trusting fairies told you to pick up the hitchhiking jockeys near Globe Derby and lucky for you they didn’t go all Wolf Creek on your arse. It’s your favourite time of year when the city is filled with people on your wavelength. Enjoy the camaraderie, make new friends, experience new things, be inspired but keep your drink covered and don’t give anyone your bank PIN. From 10 to 23 February your charismatic self will be positively dangerous.
Little Pisces should wear a Harness Buddy Monkey until they’re 15. Sure, you might cause a scene getting it on them but if you let them loose in the Fringe crowd they’ll be gone for days (and will return with stray dogs).
Carole is an astrologer, writer, mother. ethericedge.com.au