What have the stars got in store for you this winter? Our astrologer Carole Lydon from Etheric Edge astrology has put together your Fritz winter horoscopes for adults and kids, too…
Aries (21 Mar to 20 Apr)
What starts as a reasonably sound plan to protect your family home, or perhaps your place in the family, quickly escalates into a project of doomsday-prepper proportions. You’re not sure where the obsession comes from but the fiery zeal with which you are prepared to protect yourself from the enemy is breathtaking, literally. You leave little oxygen in the room for other plans or conversations. By early August, a welcome settling of rebellious urgency helps you pause long enough to nail the detail of your fortress and order in supplies.
With light-fingered perseverance Little Aries will build a physical and metaphorical collection of items needed to protect their position. For the love of rebellion, don’t call them crazy!
Taurus (21 Apr to 21 May)
Whether you spend it buying cushions or hopping on the Heysen Trail, June offers you some peaceful respite from the flirty madness of über-socialising. Use it to settle your soul before your imagination sets sail early in July and gives grace to your ambitions. By all means, snort haughtily at the idea but be prepared for a compulsion that seeps into your bones and invades your marrow. By August, armed with a great idea and the charm to match, forces greater than you will prompt the urge to swipe right. PS: it’s a Tinder metaphor not an actual instruction.
According to Little Bull, a complete refusal to wear shoes is reasonable in the face of diminishing temperatures. Not even a round of deeply buried tweezer-eluding splinters will persuade them otherwise.
Gemini (22 May to 22 Jun)
As a volley of real and alternative facts froth from your active mind, June shapes up to deliver some much-needed attention. Everyone needs attention at some point, just ask political prisoners and puppies at the pound. Towards the end of June it feels like people are listening, so use their ears wisely. Hold onto the momentum and stay on message even when the forces around and inside you try to distract you with shiny things. If your idea makes it to mid-August, you’re on a winner. You might even sit down and nut out the detail.
July offers respite to Little Gemmy, who may sprain their tongue in June. Teenage Gemmy has the added danger of ocular sprain due to Olympic standard eye-rolling with a spike in righteous indignation throughout July/August.
Cancer (23 Jun to 23 Jul)
We all know relationships are hard, but before you sign up for Dating Naked, ask yourself where you stand in the balance of power. Fairly important to know when you’re naked. If you were born between 6 and 12 July, a dose of exhibitionism will expose your inner core this winter. If 18 to 22 July bookmarks your birthday, a sudden urge for freedom in early August could manifest a pants-down episode that you will pay big money to have struck from the record. For everyone else, travelling with the pixies is also a possibility.
Little Cancer will test the balance of power with wrecking ball moodswings and a lame attempt at running away from home in early August. If they haven’t packed snacks, they’re not serious.
Leo (24 Jul to 23 Aug)
An innocent chat prompts some serious soul searching in June. Never mind, when the temperature drops towards the end of July you start heating things up like a fire-breather at a half-price kerosene sale. Your heart, mind and muscles will be locked and loaded for hardcore fun. So make the most of it because the solar eclipse on 21 August will feel like a Dementer has kindly taken your whites for washing and sent them back grey. If Dementers don’t scare you, look for excitement in the left-field shadows.
Hide the matches and check the smoke detectors – Little Leo will emerge from a quiet patch with an alarming amount of energy to burn until they are weirded out by the solar eclipse.
Virgo (24 Aug to 23 Sep)
Frustrated by people with a messy approach to facts, your innermost judgements are exposed around 22 June, leaving you feeling righteous but raw. Your ducks start lining up at the end of July and with any luck they’ll be in a row for your birthday. Until then, the happy-mad little bastards will be all over the yard wreaking havoc and soiling your pool. There’s only so many times you can hit super-chlorinate before the bomb squad investigates you for chlorine-related crimes. Retrograde Mercury in mid-August promises the misplacement of at least one duck.
In a shining display of exactitude, Little Virgo gathers all of the neighbourhood children and lines them up in height order. Poor kids have no idea they’re part of a larger, more frightening experiment.
Libra (24 Sep to 23 Oct)
Keeping the peace isn’t easy, and recent unprecedented demand has seen your demeanour tumble from Dalai Lama to Judge Judy. It started with a harmless piece of advice about in-laws and holiday houses and ended… well that’s the problem, there is no end! Now when your phone dings you scuttle to the liquor cabinet in search of a solution. You can ride it out with good manners and personal overindulgence or use Saturn’s opportunity on 13 July to suggest they bugger off and do some of their own adulting.
Inviting 10 friends for a sleepover is Little Libra’s solution to not hurting anyone’s feelings. Sadly, the fact that all of your senses will be cauterised by paediatric overload does not feature on their empathic radar.
Scorpio (24 Oct to 22 Nov)
When you first showed them plans for the excavation of your underground lair, friends said you were mad (well not to your face, that would be mad). But now you’re feeling the warm possibility of success edge into your consciousness. From 28 June to 13 July there’s a real chance that council will approve the removal of a mountain for your lifelong dream to come true (provided engineering reports comply, the amenity of the area is not affected and the neighbours don’t mind). In normal-speak, you will have the mindset, energy and resources to make shit happen.
A quick trip to Bunnings, two sausages and 50 bucks later, Little Scorp has everything they need to make their plans come true. Could be construction plans, but probably espionage.
Sagittarius (23 Nov to 21 Dec)
So you feel like you’ve been handcuffed to the tag at the back of your pants and I’m sorry to say that this awkward contortion will hang around far longer than winter. Life’s never static though. Helpful friends will massage some optimism into your life and gently introduce the notion that some adulting is required if you want this slow patch to mean something. From 28 June to 13 July, you find the resources to create something within the masochistic parameters that keep your shoulder blades touching. Time to get creative.
Tired from inhabiting both ends of the energetic spectrum, Little Sag will leap from self adulation to self pity. Their fervour can be calmed only by speculative fiction and fantasy movies.
Capricorn (22 Dec to 20 Jan)
Your respected elders have packed all their belongings into a caravan the size of their house and driven north in circles. But where does this leave you when you need advice on lawn edging and jelly cakes? You’ve been cut adrift in a sea of conflicting demands. The voices in your head keep telling you to ask someone who knows but you’re buggered if you can find them. The good news is that by 8 to 17 July, then 24 August to 8 September, you will be a powerhouse of motivational self-sufficiency. Huzzah!
Prepare to be driven mad by Little Cap manifesting your wisdom with 100 questions in a row before breakfast. Patience may be a virtue but some days it’s just a miracle.
Aquarius (21 Jan to 19 Feb)
Your relentless flow of ideas is nice but tiring. It’s like watching the majestic Murray River flow while being peppered with mozzie bites. Do you listen and act? Or have you been lulled into an inactive stupor? The good news is that from 8 to 17 July, then 24 August to 8 September, you will leap up out of your camping chair, choose an idea and run all the way to the punt with it. You want to slink back for a nap, but life and the Murray Princess have a way of disrupting your peace.
Little Aquarius will win an overseas scholarship to evangelical school. What they lack in the practical and logistical requirements for making the trip, they make up for in flame-throwing fervour.
Pisces (20 Feb to 20 Mar)
You start the season off with some outrageously idealistic notions about home and family. Then out of nowhere (or actually somewhere), the ethereal joy of cloud-surfing is rudely interrupted around 16 June when a giant arrester hook launches up and drags you back to your own internal reality. The bad news is you’ll be there until November. Apart from a dose of outrageous charm around 22 June, you will be left largely to your own strangeness down here on earth. A confronting notion even for the most seasoned fish.
Little Fish seems content to hang around home because it’s a safe place to deal with their own weirdness. A short spell of charm will see you conned into allowing extra screen time.